Routine Panic

Here's the thing --- sometimes I feel like I suffer from a split personality.

One part of me craves the predictability of a set routine. I like having a plan for the flow of my days. I believe my children thrive under a schedule. I feel safe and secure within the confines of my set little world.

At the same time, another part of me chafes against the routine. I do the same thing all day, every day, over and over and over. Because my husband works at home, our family has been spoiled by his flexible schedule. I've gotten used to being somewhat spontaneous. Now that I have committed to lessons and activities during the week, I feel restricted. I do not like having my schedule dictated.

What am I to do? We are only one week into our fall schedule, and I'm already feeling uneasy. What if I can't follow through on the commitments we've made? What if my son is late for his music lessons? Or we go away for the weekend and I miss pilates? Or the boys have colds so we skip swimming? Or I am feeling overwhelmed and can't volunteer at preschool gym? Or the van breaks? Or the kids need "down time"? Or I need "down time"?

Yikes. I need to stop and take a deep breath.

I think this train of thought was spurred by church this morning. Instead of a regular service, today our church had sort of a "trade show" set up in the sanctuary. All of the small groups and programs for the coming year had booths. People were encouraged to sign up for the groups they found interesting.

There were lots of cool things --- ladies making quilts for the homeless, people helping with the Christmas concert, home groups for families, special activities for the kids. They even had a motorcycle club for the men. I wanted to sign up for four or five different groups. I held back, though. Our family chose not to join up with anything.

As I wandered through the booths, this statement kept echoing through my mind: Sometimes you have to give up good things in order to do what is best.

The pastor in charge of women's ministry asked if I was interested in joining a Bible study group. The truth is, I would love to. However, this is just not the right season of my life to do it. I would also love to sew quilts for the homeless, and volunteer for the Christmas production, and belong to a home group for young families, and take my sons to the remote control racers club.

We just can't do it all. Our kids are little. They will grow up all too quickly, and I don't want to miss their childhoods because we are zooming from one activity to another.

So we stick to our routine. We do the same thing all day, every day, over and over and over. We limit our activities to music and swimming lessons, volunteering for preschool gym, and pilates for Mommy on the weekend.

I pray that God would help me to wisely schedule my time --- that He would help me find the right balance between over and under commitment for our family. I also pray that He would help me to feel content. I may not have time to pursue all my interests, but it is only for this season of life.

And hopefully, God will heal me of my split personality ;-).