Thursday, January 18, 2007

Gobble, Gobble

"You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"
(Ebenzer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol)


A hush fell over the crowded auditorium. The house lights dimmed and the stage was illuminated by dazzling spotlights. A small, Oriental man strode across the platform. He was greeted by a warm round of applause.

"And now we bring you the highlight of our evening!" the man announced, "A new sport for your viewing pleasure!" With a sweeping gesture, the man pulled aside a heavy red curtain.

A tall, geeky man wearing shin pads and a helmet ran across the stage. The audience clapped and cheered. The man paused and assumed a ready position, preparing to kick what appeared to be a large, round, white ball.

No, wait. The audience gasped in surprise. The object rolling across the stage was not like any ball they had ever seen before.

It had a beak. Two orange feet ... And feathers.

In fact, the "ball" looked suspiciously like a turkey. (Perhaps a turkey that had swallowed a beach ball.)

The athlete ran towards the ball, drew back his foot, and gave the turkey a mighty kick.

"Squawk!!" bellowed the bird ball as it sailed through the air.

"Wait!" screamed an angry member of the audience, "Can't you see this is wrong?! This is animal cruelty! You can't just genetically engineer animals to suit your fancy. Turkeys were not meant to look like beach balls!"

The crowd murmured its agreement as the scene faded to black ...


(Note to self: Just say no to pb&j sandwiches before bed.)

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