Captain Hook Drives a Jeep

"You know, honey, I'm desperate to pee. Think we could pull in for a pit stop?"

Thud. Crunch.

"Uh oh."

....................

This weekend we drove out to Saskatchewan to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The trip takes about seven hours by car. Unfortunately, our return voyage took slightly longer than we had intended. In Medicine Hat our van was graciously rear-ended by Captain Hook.

....................

Ben flipped on the hazard lights. I checked to see if the kids were okay. We both got out to survey the damages.

"Well @#$%," swore Captain Hook, "I just don't know what happened."

The front fender of his new Jeep Liberty rested snugly against our van's back bumper.

I rubbed my eyes. "Why don't we all pull over into that hotel parking lot over there," I suggested.

We returned to our respective vehicles. Ben put the van into drive. He stepped on the gas. The wheels spun and our van didn't budge.

"Umm. I think we are stuck." It was a statement of the obvious.

As luck would have it, the Jeep boasted two nasty tow hooks. One of the hooks had pierced the metal bumper of our van. We were stuck fast. Like a fish on a line. No amount of pulling could separate our vehicles.

"You know, I think we had better call the police," I said.

Captain Hook's wife pulled out her cell phone. A few minutes later our kids were enthralled by blue and red flashing lights. Two friendly officers surveyed the scene.

We filled out paperwork.

The kids munched pretzels and played with stuffed animals.

"Looks like you are really stuck," one of the officers observed. He shuffled his boot through the gravel.

I smiled politely. "Aren't you supposed to help us get un-stuck?!" I asked internally.

I cleared my throat. "Do you think we should call a tow truck?" I suggested, "Maybe he could get us apart."

The officer pulled out his radio. A few minutes later the tow truck arrived. The kids gleefully took in the show.

"Gee," commented the tow truck driver, "Looks like you are really stuck."

I silently groaned, "Yes. But it's your job to get us un-stuck."

I really needed to pee.

"I suppose I could hook up your van and pull you apart," the driver suggested.

Not a great plan. The frame of our van could be torn to pieces.

"Look," said Captain Hook, "I've called my buddy. He's going to bring me some tools, and I'll try to unbolt the hook from the frame of my Jeep."

A much better plan.

After a few more minutes, Buddy arrived. Captain Hook lay on the ground under our van's rear bumper. Mild grunting and cussing drifted up from under the vehicle.

The tow truck driver fidgeted. He fetched tools.

The police officers filled out their paperwork. Slooooowly.

I gave up, abandoned the scene, and dashed to the hotel washroom.

Finally, after nearly an hour of effort, the stubborn bolts came loose. The hook pulled free. The kids cheered from their car seats and I breathed a long sigh of relief.

We shook hands with Captain Hook and his wife. "Happy Thanksgiving!" I wryly declared.

The police officer pulled us aside. "By law, you must now replace all three of your children's car seats. I would suggest you do that today. You will need to destroy the old seats. Your insurance will cover the cost." We blanched at the prospect.

"Well. Umm, good thing the accident happened across the street from the mall." I smiled weakly.

....................

We finally arrived home three hours later than planned, well past the kids' bed time. Our van now sports a stylish new dent, a puncture wound, and a "damaged vehicle" sticker courtesy of the Medicine Hat Police Service.

I spent most of this morning dealing with the insurance company. I also received a friendly phone call from Captain Hook.

My week has suddenly become a lot more complicated.

However, I am thankful. Thankful no one was hurt in the accident. Thankful the damage appears to be superficial. Thankful the weather was pleasant yesterday. Thankful our kids were extraordinarily good. Thankful the mall was open so we could buy new car seats.

We just didn't expect to meet a pirate on our way home from Thanksgiving dinner.

Yarr!