Painful Pride and Vain Conceit

I should have known better.

They say confession is good for the soul. The problem is, God knows my weaknesses even better than I know them myself. As soon as I admit to a shortcoming I think God takes that as a cue to say, "Aha! Lindsay's finally realized this is an area she needs to work on. Let's see if she's really serious about changing her ways."

A couple days ago I confessed my obsession with cleanliness and order. I specifically made the comment that "people come before things". Perhaps I should have been more careful in my musings. This weekend has been one disaster after another! God is surely testing me in this area. My pride is taking an awful beating at the moment.

For example, this morning we were in a great hurry to leave for church. The boys were eating breakfast, Ben was re-assembling my son's car seat, and I was nursing the baby. My baby girl finished her meal and I sat her up on my lap for a burp. Out of the blue, my sweet little princess projectile vomited everywhere. Curdled milk coated my pants, her blanket, the couch and the floor. Strangely, my baby girl's dress escaped unscathed.

Needless to say, we were late for church.

I sort of feel like my life is spinning out of control. My external environment is chaotic --- the house hasn't been cleaned, our van is a mess, the baby is fussy, and I have puke stains on my clothes. The temperature outside has been over 30C and our small house feels like a sauna. My "to do" list for the coming week is a mile long. I haven't even had a decent nap for the past three days.

In the midst of it all I cry out to God: "Enough already! I get Your point! Cut me a little slack, please. Why can't my kids behave? Why does the house become a disaster zone in the blink of an eye? Why can't You grant me a little more sleep?"

Of course, by asking such questions I am missing the lesson God is trying to teach me.

My external circumstances may not change any time soon. I'm the mom of three kids under the age of four. Life is simply chaos. I must learn to accept that.

God is chipping away at my pride. He is working on my attitude. Is my heart joyful, even when my house is a cluttered mess? Do I find my comfort in Christ, even as I comfort a screaming child? Am I peaceful, even in the midst of this crazy season of motherhood?

I hear God whisper to the quiet places of my spirit, "Daughter, My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness."

If I am truly serious about becoming a woman of grace, I must learn to trust God through this stressful time in my life. I cannot allow my inner peace to be dictated by my external circumstances. His grace is sufficient. That is enough.

Even when my van smells like fermented strawberries.